Writing Hiatus

I feel odd and slightly out of place.  As if I'm in another person's chair at another person's computer trying to write their story.  It's been about a week since I even tried to write anything and now that I'm not sick or working it feels odd.  I want to just jump back in, but it's almost as if I don't know where to start, because I can't remember where I left off.

A week doesn't sound that long.  And it isn't. I've gone a week without writing before.  But this time was different.  Normally when I can't write, I'm thinking about it. Playing it out in my mind so that when I get to the computer I'm ready with a plan for my characters in mind.  This time I didn't think or plan or visualize.  I simply vegged. I played Facebook games and spent more time with my daughter and went to bed at a fairly decent time. 

And worst is that today I almost did something I haven't done in almost a year - I almost bought a book.  Nothing of great quality, just some random romance novel. I'd almost put it in my cart when I stopped myself. When the hell do I have time to read? I'm not saying that I don't read - I've lost track of how many novels I'm following on TNBW, and I reread books I have at home.  But buying a new book, investing hours into reading over the weekend just can't be at the top of my list.  I'm a compulsive reader.  I read a seven novel series by V.C. Andrews in three days.  I read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series in a weekend, and I can crank out three to four Harlequin novels in a day. Once I start reading I can't stop, especially if it's only a matter of turning a page.

I put the book back. I have too many things to do, stories of my own to write.

Now, I'm sitting here trying to get myself back into that mind-set of being a writer, of knowing my characters and their stories. Maybe it'll work to my advantage - to look at things with fresh eyes, but I know one thing for sure. I'll never let myself go this long without thinking about writing again.  It's a perilous path for me, one that would lead to me giving up. And I'm not ready to do that yet.

 On my iPod:

Touch Peel and Stand by Days of the New

Memories

Since I started writing I've been plagued by the question of how much of myself and my memories do or can I put into my stories.  It's not that I put people I know into my stories, but there are bits and pieces of me and my experiences in each of my novels.  In The Evolution of Janie I have it set in Montana and I can clearly remember a summer vacation we took and how tame the wildlife seemed, although I never ran across shape shifting humans.  There was also a shopping scene with Janie and Justin that included some of Brandon's sage advice about buying multiple pairs of pants in the same style to reduce washing.  Songbird however included far more personal memories, my dog Pepsi that died and the Rainbow song my Dad used to sing to me.

There are some pieces that are nearly inconsequential.  I went to school with a boy named Jace and always liked his name.  I haven't seen him since 9th grade and have no idea what kind of a person he is, but still the name was stuck in my head, same with Jacey.  I visualized the park where Jace was shot as the playground at my elementary school.  Yet others are far more significant and the events changed the way I viewed life and as I wrote about them I felt that surge of pain as I relived the moment. Jace's funeral scene was based on an a friend's funeral and the reaction her son, Seth had when faced with putting her to rest.  Never will I forget the way he met my eyes and let out a sob as he realized his mother was truly gone.

As hard as that scene was to write, when I finished I realized that it was a moment I would never forget and that by putting it on paper, I've given my word to never forget them.  Maybe all of these little things I add from myself are really just memories I'm scared of losing.

On my iPod:

Lover's in a Dangerous Time by Bruce Cockburn (BareNakedLadies version)

Writing Relationships

I always viewed writing as a solitary job. One in which I put my ideas and characters on paper then send it to an agent who would fall in love with my words, sign me and, without any further work from myself, get me a million dollar publishing contract. Well, not far into my journey as a writer I discovered that things aren't as easy as they appear. I haven't even made it to the agent who is going to make me work harder than I ever have before, because I'm not just trying to make myself money, but also her/him money.  The hardest part is accepting that what I put down on paper may not be the best I can do.

After spending two months writing and finishing about 20,000 words I realized I had written crap! How could I not have realized this sooner??? So, I started over and this time I decided to try to find someone out there in the same boat as I was.  My search began with Google and, as from a previous post, you can bet I had a hard time finding what I specifically needed.  Then I stumbled across The Next Big Writer (see my link under writing websites).  After spending a few months reviewing (and doing a pretty crappy job of it) I forked over the best $50 I've spent in my writing career.

The first chapter I posted was shredded and I realized that every notion I had about writing needed to be tossed out.  What I thought I knew was nothing compared to what was expected of me.  It hurt like hell but I quickly discovered that the pain was inflicted with the best intentions and that there were people out there that believed in and shared my passion and that they didn't just want to tear me down, but help me learn and grow as a writer.

I've been a full member for almost a year and the wonderful writers and reviewers I've met during that time have surpassed my expectations of a writing workshop.  There have been people who drop in and give a moments look, or those who are continually there to give consistently needed honest feedback.  All have made my experience as part of tNBW community amazing.

I may never be a published writer, but I've had the opportunity to learn from some talented writers, and if I can't see my novels in the bookstore at least I'll be able to look at theirs and say I read that before it was published.

So THANK YOU to all of those wonderful members of tNBW!

On my iPod:

Hot 'n Cold by Katy Perry