I feel odd and slightly out of place. As if I'm in another person's chair at another person's computer trying to write their story. It's been about a week since I even tried to write anything and now that I'm not sick or working it feels odd. I want to just jump back in, but it's almost as if I don't know where to start, because I can't remember where I left off.
A week doesn't sound that long. And it isn't. I've gone a week without writing before. But this time was different. Normally when I can't write, I'm thinking about it. Playing it out in my mind so that when I get to the computer I'm ready with a plan for my characters in mind. This time I didn't think or plan or visualize. I simply vegged. I played Facebook games and spent more time with my daughter and went to bed at a fairly decent time.
And worst is that today I almost did something I haven't done in almost a year - I almost bought a book. Nothing of great quality, just some random romance novel. I'd almost put it in my cart when I stopped myself. When the hell do I have time to read? I'm not saying that I don't read - I've lost track of how many novels I'm following on TNBW, and I reread books I have at home. But buying a new book, investing hours into reading over the weekend just can't be at the top of my list. I'm a compulsive reader. I read a seven novel series by V.C. Andrews in three days. I read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series in a weekend, and I can crank out three to four Harlequin novels in a day. Once I start reading I can't stop, especially if it's only a matter of turning a page.
I put the book back. I have too many things to do, stories of my own to write.
Now, I'm sitting here trying to get myself back into that mind-set of being a writer, of knowing my characters and their stories. Maybe it'll work to my advantage - to look at things with fresh eyes, but I know one thing for sure. I'll never let myself go this long without thinking about writing again. It's a perilous path for me, one that would lead to me giving up. And I'm not ready to do that yet.
On my iPod:
Touch Peel and Stand by Days of the New
Ah! I guess this is a normal thing for writers (or painters). Everyone is different of course and there are many distractions. I suppose it is a matter of discipline and one must set aside a time and have a routine.
ReplyDeleteJohn Steinbeck, when he was writing one of his major books, kept a diary which was published as "Journal of a Novel" (I think). He describes how he sat at his desk at a precise time each day, sharpened his pencils and started a fresh page (he used school exercise books). He would decide the number of words he was going to write and stick to the schedule.
Of course that doesn't suit everyone!
Sometimes I buy a book, not because I have the time to read but because it's a little motivator that encourages me to write.
ReplyDeleteann
Hang in there -- it will return :) Plus you sound self-aware enough not to let the break in writing get the best of you!
ReplyDeleteI say, go back and buy the book! Read something that you don't have to critique and that is new to you. Invest in published authors- you'll want aspiring writers investing in you when you're published.
ReplyDeleteTreat yourself. Spend a weekend reading a brand new story. Sometimes that's exactly what I need to get me motivated to write again!
Hang in there, friend!
~Rach